Grace Baptist Church, Nokomis, IL.

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How do we live happily ever after? We all wish we could have a fairy tale ending, but we also know that life doesn’t work that way. Getting a promotion doesn’t mean you’ll never have money problems again. Becoming an adult doesn’t mean you’re free from people telling you what to do. And getting married doesn’t automatically mean you’ll live happily ever after.

Yet a lot of people get married with that expectation: that marriage will just be full of happy moments, and that marriage will make life so incredible and perfect. And I think maybe that expectation causes more grief than happiness. Because what do we do when life doesn’t meet our expectations? We get depressed, or even angry. A lot of people then lash out and blame their spouse. Others think, “Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I married the wrong person.” So they retreat from the relationship because it didn’t make them happy, and look for happiness either in someone else or in something else entirely.

One of the most crucial qualities of a godly marriage that our culture severely lacks is devotion. Our culture preaches that we must follow our heart. They act as if it’s okay if you’ve fallen out of love. If that happens, they say it’s time to move on. But we must not follow culture on the issue of marriage! We need to set the example that we will stick by our spouse for better or worse! Because it’s not just about marriage, it’s about the gospel, because marriage reflects the gospel. And the truth of the gospel is that once we embrace Christ, God will never let us go. He will never divorce us. He will always be faithful, and because of that, we ought to have such joy in striving to be faithful to Him, and to our spouse.

“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

Sex is Good

The church of Corinth had a lot of problems. They were divisive. They were rude. There were many in the church who were so focused on themselves that they didn’t see the needs of others. They had a whole lot of theological and practical things wrong. They had problems just getting along with each other, something so basic to being a church. They had problems.

And apparently, one of their problems had to do with marriage and sexuality. I thought about posting on Facebook this morning, “Today I’ll be preaching on sex!” Or maybe this one: “SEX at church today!” I realized that probably wouldn’t come across right, so I didn’t. Maybe I should have, it would have been interesting to see how many people showed up.

But the Corinthian church has some major sex problems. One issue was that someone in the church was sleeping with his stepmother. Another issue was that someone thought it was okay to sleep with prostitutes. In response to these things, someone from the church wrote Paul a letter and asked him what they should do about all these things (v. 1).

Now, we don’t know if this first verse was a quotation from their letter to Paul, or if it’s Paul’s response to their letter, or if it’s just kind of the headline to what Paul wanted to talk about next. We don’t know. But we do know that sex is good within the context of marriage. Paul wasn’t saying that men should never touch women. He was saying that unless a man is married, he should not have a sexual relationship with a woman.

And if you read on in this passage and in other places Paul wrote about it, he talks about how singleness can be a good thing in itself. Not everyone has the gift of being being single, but for those that do, God can use single people to be totally devoted to Him. Married people are to be devoted to their spouses, but single people are able to devote themselves fully to God. They can preach and minister and be missionaries and put their lives at risk without worrying about how it will affect their families. If you’re single, God can use you in amazing ways.

You might think, though, how do I know if I have the gift of singleness? Two things:

1. Do you have a desire to marry?
2. Do you have burning desire for sexual intimacy?

Outside of marriage, sex is sinful, but in marriage, sex is good. And not only is it good, but it’s expected (v. 2-4). One of the safeguards to adultery and unfaithfulness is a devotion to one another sexually. Once you’re married, you don’t belong to yourself anymore. You give your body to your spouse. And you’re to use your body to make your spouse happy.

Fan the Flame

So often, after the wedding ceremony, the romance fades away. We see each other with morning breath and bed head. I think it’s so funny when I try to give Abby a kiss in the morning when we first wake up. She won’t refuse me, but she’ll keep her lips clenched like this, and then she’ll kind of squirm and shake because it’s not always a pleasant experience!

Even though this kind of a thing is a reality after marriage, we need to fan the flame as much as possible so that we’re not tempted by Satan. Do your best to look good for your spouse! Dress to impress, not the business world, but your spouse. Don’t let yourself go, but actively improve yourself for your spouse.

Be Devoted…in many ways

You see, this passage talks about being devoted to your spouse sexually, but the concept applies to other areas of marriage as well. You must only be devoted to your own spouse with your physical appearance. You must only be devoted to your own spouse emotionally. You must only be devoted to your own spouse relationally. You can’t regularly spend a significant amount of your time with a person of the opposite gender and pretend that’s okay. If you’re in a work situation in which that’s unavoidable, you need to be really careful to set up wise safeguards to make sure you stay faithful to your spouse.

The truth is, you can’t be halfway to devoted to something. You either are, or you’re not. When God calls us to follow Christ, He doesn’t want our halfhearted devotion. God wants us hot or cold, not lukewarm. Hot water serves a purpose: you can make coffee. Cold water also serves a purpose: you can be refreshed with it on a hot day. But lukewarm water is worthless. And God says that if you’re lukewarm, He’s going to spit you out of His mouth. Why? Because lukewarm Christianity is not genuine Christianity. You can’t be halfway devoted to Christ! If Christ is your Lord, then serve Him! Don’t shrink back.

Now, this doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes. But it does mean that you’ll never give up. Abby and I have said since the day we got married that divorce is not an option. When we got married, we wrote our own vows and said them from memory. And I did such a good job, until the last line. I had completely forgotten the last line! Fortunately, we had given a copy of our vows to our minister in case we forgot them, so I asked him for the last line, and he gave it to me, and I said with enthusiasm, “For as long as we both shall live!” I’m actually kind of glad I forgot that last line, because now I’ll never forget it again. Our marriage is for as long as we both shall live. We will work through anything and everything, because not only do we love each other, but because God hates divorce, and we want nothing to do with it.

Did you know the biggest reason for divorce today isn’t unfaithfulness, or abandonment, but what’s called “irreconcilable differences” or so-called “no fault” divorce. Actually, there’s no such thing as a no fault divorce. We’re all at fault. Of course we have irreconcilable differences, we’re sinners! Abby and I have irreconcilable differences! That doesn’t mean we’re going to get a divorce! What I’m arguing against is the same thing Jesus argued against when he was asked, “Can I divorce for any and every reason?” No! You can’t! We need to be different from the world. We need to lead our culture on the issue of marriage.

We need to have the mindset that marriage is with 1 person for 1 lifetime. So each of us needs to be devoted to our own spouse. No matter what mistakes you’ve made in the past, if you’re married now, the person you’re married to is your spouse. Be devoted to them.

God Shows Us What Devotion Is

Why should we have this level of devotion? Because God has this level of devotion toward us. God will never leave us nor forsake us.

In fact, the only thing this passage suggests as a interruption in the sexual devotion to one’s spouse is a level of devotion to God (v. 5). It’s not that being devoted to your spouse somehow means that you’re less devoted to God. Rather, if we want to be fully devoted to our spouse, we must be first fully devoted to God. And even in this scenario, it’s important to come together again quickly. Satan is smart. He knows that if he can interrupt your sex life with your spouse, that he might be able to tempt you or your spouse with someone else and that can destroy your marriage, destroy your witness, and greatly hinder your walk with Christ. So don’t give Satan the opportunity. Be devoted to your spouse.

Listen, sexual intimacy in marriage a great thing. It’s a big part of devotion. But it’s not the only part. For some marriages, it’s just not a possibility anymore because of sickness or age, or a ton of other factors. So while sexual intimacy can be a great tool in your devotion to your spouse, it’s not your only tool. The old saying is true: the family that prays together, stays together.

Be devoted to your God. Christ needs to be the center of your marriage. He’s your Rock. He’s your firm foundation. He’s the glue that binds you together. So if you want to be happily ever after, you need to build your marriage on a firm foundation in Christ. Pray together. Encourage each other with God’s Word. Commit together to being involved in the church, where you can grow in your faith and serve together and glorify God. Striving to be devoted to your spouse without leaning on Christ is only as good as your willpower, and we all know how strong that is. I can tell myself at 7 am that I’m going to eat healthy and exercise today, but by 7:30, I’ve already eaten all the leftover pizza in the fridge while sitting the couch watching youtube. Sheer willing power can’t fix your marriage. Be devoted to God! Let God fix your marriage.

Even if your spouse isn’t yet committed to Christ, be devoted to your God. Pray for your spouse. Honor God by the way you treat your spouse.

For some, this kind of devotion to God doesn’t make sense. But it’s something we all need to have, whether married or not. The Bible says all have fallen short of the glory of God, and that the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. No matter who you are, or what you’ve done, you can have salvation in Christ by trusting in Him, and He can change you to be a fully devoted follower of Christ.